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Honoring Our Troops
By: Debra Mayfield
Our Military! We must not forget about those who sacrifice daily for the lives of others. The war in Iraq has continued for approximately five years and it seems that if we are not directly affected by having a family member or friend serving, we tend to forget about how important these people really are to our lives. Its Our Reality Magazine wants to pay tribute to our military services for the courageous duties they perform in Operation Iraqi Freedom.
Our soldiers have families that they have left behind and they face life changing experiences everyday. I had the pleasure of interviewing Heather, who has been in the Air Force for over 14 years and is now serving in Iraq. Her husband, Keith, is also a member of the Air Force and has been deployed abroad previously as well to fight for Operation Iraqi Freedom. While Heather is abroad, Keith is home caring for their two lovely children and continues to work on base. Its Our Reality Magazine thought it would be interesting to hear from a member of this dual spouse military family. Heather will explain to us what this portion of time in her life is like.
IOR (Its Our Reality): How do you adjust living abroad with both you and your husband as well in the armed forces?
Heather: This is a two part question really; my experience as a military member and my experience on the other side as a deployed spouse. First, this is my first deployment in 14 years of serving in the wonderful Air Force. My personal experience is pretty recent in the deployment arena. I have found this deployment a very humbling experience. Given that I am bound by my duties as a member of the Armed Forces, I gladly stepped up to the challenge. My moment of true shock was when I had finally land in the AOR (area of responsibility) after four days of traveling. I hadn’t slept in those few days and finally was able to lie down and grasp the overwhelming reality that I was actually gone, away from my husband, my children and any feeling of home. The only thing I could do was feel sorry for myself. For the first time in a long time, I cried uncontrollably. After an hour long pity party, I came to my senses and came to the conclusion that I needed to bare down and accept my new responsibilities; fighting the good fight for freedoms sake.
The other part is the guilt I feel when I had to leave my two young children that couldn’t possibly understand why mommy left. My husband is a stoic person. He handles life’s issues with such grace. He has God guiding him so who can come against him?
The second part of this is that as a spouse of a deployed member (my husband is also in the military) I am faced with having to let my better half go for four months out of every year to deploy. I take on the responsibility of not only being a mom but also a dad as well. You never know how much your spouse does until you have to do all of it by yourself. Working full-time all day and then working full-time being mom/dad is terrifyingly difficult and exhausting; truly a burden of love. Adjusting to situations such as these is part of the job. I have been doing so long that it is part of my life. Like anything; you do it for a while and it becomes routine. You learn to change as the Air Force changes, which tends to be a lot!
IOR: How are your children adjusting?
Heather: The children have adjusted ok. Deployments for them have been so frequent with their dad going all the time that it is second nature. It is a little different this time due to me deploying for the first time. I have never been away from them so long. They always ask about when am I coming home something they hardly asked when their father was gone. I am sure its really tough on Keith.
IOR: What are the pleasantries of the experience?
Heather: I have to say the food is terrific! Working with other branches is definitely pleasant. Working with the locals is really interesting. They are not the mean aggressive people the media speaks of. They are a humble people and want what we have; peace and democracy. We are here to assist with that..
IOR: What do you dislike the most?
Heather: I am a pessimist by nature. There are a lot of things I dislike about this deployment but my relationship with God is my foundation for a positive outlook. There are a lot of things I could complain about but then that would be counter productive.
IOR: How has it changed your life?
Heather:
Deployment has a nasty habit of changing everything. From adjusting schedules to adjusting life to adjusting emotions, etc. The most notable thing that has changed is my reliance on God. The past two years have brought me so much closer to God. At no other time in my life have I relied on Him so heavily. We as humans want so much to be in control of our lives but we have to learn to let go. I am no different.
I also have had to come to the realization that there is a higher power here at work and letting myself walk by faith alone has been a challenge to say the least. Human nature is to try and control that which is not controllable. I have had to come to terms with that aspect very dramatically as I am not one to leave things unattended and up to chance. But is it really chance? I believe everything happens for a reason.
IOR: Has this changed or created your relationship with the Lord?
Heather: Absolutely. I have had to rely so heavily on him that I can’t see me dealing with life’s issues without HIM!
IOR: What is like being home when your husband is abroad?
Heather: That’s a tough question. We attempt to create an environment that allows for as much normalcy as possible in our children’s lives. The schedule does not change that much. The parent that stays home just takes on added responsibilities. Picking up the slack and not have it interfere with the kid’s daily routine is the key. There are times when the kids ask when is daddy coming home or things like “When dad gets home, can we go camping?” and it is in those moments you are forced to grasp the reality of the spouse being gone. We also struggle with “Well, mommy does it this way” or “Daddy plays ball with me, can you?” Those are the personas you have to take on. Sometimes it’s difficult trying to play mommy or daddy on the fly. Another problem is there just isn’t enough time in the day to do everything! There is always laundry to be done, cooking to be had, and a chore to be done and sleep that just isn’t going to happen.
IOR: In what way have you learned to appreciate America after living abroad?
Heather: The niceties of home and being near my family. Third world countries provide for a true humble appreciation for the family that you have and the blessings that have been bestowed upon you. Take care of those blessings because in the blink of an eye, they can be taken from you.
IOR: Where are some of the areas you have been stationed?
Heather:I have been stationed in Texas, Alaska. I have traveled to Korea, Thailand, Micronesia Islands and Cambodia. I was part of a humbling experience where we recovered fallen soldiers in Cambodia.
IOR: Can you share a heartfelt story of people you have met in foreign countries?
Heather: My only experience is my current tour here in Iraq. We work with locals and employ them on base. I ran into a gentleman who was serving dinner in the dining facility. I routinely give him my plate requesting Lasagna. In the exchange of giving my plate back to me with my super helping he also grasped my hand, made eye contact and in broken English with a slight crack in his voice he simply said “Thank you”. It wasn’t until I sat down that it dawned on me he was thanking me for being here. It was a beautiful moment. They are a gentle people just trying to live a peaceful life.
I hope that we have managed to have you stop and be thankful for your lives. Life as usual can be quite different for military personnel. It is because of soldiers such as Heather that cause many to have the peace of mind that we experience daily. It is an admirable spirit that can give so graciously and keep everything in perspective.
Heather, we thank you for being all that you can be and blessing so many.
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